There are 2 types of lonely.
The first is where you shut the door and close off the world, looking for refuge in your solitude.
The second is where you leave the door open, but it goes unused.
Pulled down Swallowed whole Grayscale devoid of life anesthetized Undertow claws clutches as I flail Tenacity keeps me afloat Gasping for air struggling toward life toward tomorrow toward the faith that buoys my soul Copyright (C) 2020 Penny Wilson
The ebb and flow of life. We all deal with it. We all have trials and tribulations. It’s part of our journey here. Some days, I’m engulfed in the undertow, my feet being sucked down into the muck and the mud. On these days, it’s hard to see the sunshine on the surface of the water. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues and think I’m beginning to see the light.
Our winter has been uncommonly wet. Until this last bit of dry weather, the weatherman said that we’ve only had, at most, 5 consecutive days of no rain, for months now. Grey and gloomy skies. Having no sun really can make a difference!
I know when my depression rears it’s ugly head. I’ve battled the beast long enough to know it’s M.O. Although not an easy thing to do, I went to my doctor and had an honest discussion with her about how I’ve been feeling. Reaching out for help is the hardest part of battling depression. But I know I have to. I’m very lucky to have a doctor that I adore. She’s wonderful. The type of person I would like to be friends with. Even with this knowledge, depression is a sneaky bastard. It took me more than a month to set the appointment.
On the day of my appointment, while sitting in the waiting room, I almost bolted for the door. It’s hard to describe. But it’s like I’m have a battle, an argument with this…. being. I KNOW what I SHOULD do, but the beast will argue with me, justify its actions and what usually happens is… nothing. Depression can paralyze you. You continue to put off getting help. You don’t tell anyone how you’re feeling. You isolate yourself to avoid uncomfortable situations. So it’s even easier for the beast to dig its heels in and really mess with your head. You isolate yourself more, becoming more depressed. The more depressed you become, the more you isolate yourself. Even KNOWING all of the ugly beast’s tricks, I still fall for them.
I feel better just having been able to Voice my concerns with someone. I know I’m not out of the deep end yet, but there is hope. I’m swimming toward that sunshine on the surface above me and it’s getting closer.
Copyright (C) 2020 Penny Wilson
*If you or someone you love is struggling with depression or other mental health issues, I invite you to look over my Mental Health Help Page which can be found HERE. On this page, you will find several links on ways to get help.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. ❤ Penny
Although a gloomy subject, I continue to write about Depression and it’s horrifying effects, for this reason:
60% of suicides are due to a history of struggle with Depression. Every day 121 Americans commit suicide. One person every 40 seconds, worldwide, will commit suicide.
These are frightening statistics, right? Below is a partial list of some names you may recognize that committed suicide.
Robin Williams, R. Bud Dwyer, Evelyn McHale, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, Sylvia Plath, Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf, Freddie Prinze, George Reeves.
Only when the stigma ends. Only when there is no longer any shame or guilt associated with depression will this horror end. If you know someone that is struggling, reach out to them. Talk to them. Check in to see if they are alright. Sometimes all it takes is extending a kindness, for those to see that they are not alone, that someone cares. It can make all the difference in the world. It may save a life.
If you are seeking help, please check out my Mental Health Help Page HERE.
Depression can make you feel very alone. While we know there are other people out there that suffer from depression, that doesn’t make it any easier. We isolate ourselves, deny that there is anything wrong, and generally cannot see a way out of it. Too often, individuals that suffer from depression do not seek the help they need. While the reasons vary, one of the main reasons for not seeking help is the Stigma associated with Depression.
People feel guilty. They’ve been told to “snap out of it”, or “get over it”, or any number of other things that dismiss what they are going thru. Those people have no idea how dangerous and debilitating depression can be.
The Suicide rates are the highest they’ve been since WWII. This is a statistic that should be alarming to every one of us. It was to me when I heard it. I’ve advocated for Suicide Prevention and Awareness for a long time. In 2018, 1.5 million people attempted suicide.
Sunday mornings, I make it a habit to watch CBS Sunday Morning. There was a piece on there this Sunday, 1/19/2020, that really hit me. In the 1960s there was a study done on patients that had attempted suicide. The study discovered that a simple intervention, showing that you CARE, can prevent suicide. The suicide rates of people being released from psychiatric care in this study dropped by 50%, because of a simple act of compassion.
If you would like to see this segment, you can find it HERE. The piece is about 8 minutes long and can explain this remarkable study much better than I can.
I’ve written several posts about getting help if you need it for depression, suicide prevention, mental illness, etc., but I had not thought about the other side of the coin. What if we Reach Out and SHOW someone that we care today? Can it really make a difference?
It turns out that yes, it can.
I had an experience on Saturday, that really hit me as an unusual act by a stranger. I was at the gas pump filling my tank. It’s cold, the wind is blowing, but the sun is shining for the first time in days. I think everyone wanted to get out and soak up some of that sunshine. While I was pumping my gas, a woman pulled her car along side mine at the next pump over. She got out of her car and with a big smile on her face gave me a very cheerful “Good morning!” I instantly smiled! We exchanged a few words about the sunshine and the cold. But that whole experience left me smiling for the remainder of the day.
Why? Because a stranger took a few seconds and showed some compassion and kindness. Then on Sunday, I saw the piece about the suicide rates. These two instances, I believe, was God’s way of saying to me, “Penny, you need to take action. Pay attention to this!”
Why on earth was that woman that greeted me at the gas pump’s kindness so unusual to me?? THAT’S the real question here.
We get so tied up in our own lives, our own head, that we can’t see the world around us anymore. A few words or a smile might make all the difference in someone’s life. HERE is that link again. Please watch it. I think it will change your prospective on how you look at those around you.
Sometime back, I pledged to do One Kind Thing every day. For the most part, I’ve stuck with that. But I challenge myself and you, to do more. I challenge us to Reach Out to someone today, and tomorrow, and the next day. Let’s give that other person a reason to smile.
Copyright (C) 2019 Penny Wilson
Thank you for joining me on this journey. ❤ Penny
The reason for this post is because I was looking back at my stats for 2019. My most liked post and my most visited post is one called Depression and Denial. This tells me that people WANT information on this subject.
Those of you that have followed me for a while, know the reasons that I continue to write and speak out about Depression. My #1 reason is this: EVERY DAY 121 Americans commit suicide. 50% of those people suffered from depression. Reason enough to write about it? I thought so too. My #2 reason I write about it is to help end the stigma that surrounds Depression.
If you’re new to my blog and for some reason you’ve come across this post, maybe you’re looking for answers. Maybe you’re looking for help. Maybe you’re confused about how and why you feel the way that you do. Maybe, maybe, something that you find on my blog will help.
I pray that’s so.
If you need help, or if you’re just looking to get some questions answered about what you’re feeling, please visit my Mental Health Help page. On this page, you will find a lot of links, contact information, social media connections and phone numbers for different ways to seek help.
Also on this page are different posts that I’ve written on the subject of depression and mental health help. You might browse through these posts and see if there is something there that will connect with you. HERE is that link again.
I’ve lived this. I’ve walked this walk. I know about the hopelessness, the darkness that encompasses everything in your life. I know about the isolation, the feeling of being lost. I know what you’re dealing with. If you need answers, I hope you find something here that helps you. Stay strong. There IS help for you.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. ❤ Penny
(C) 2020 Penny Wilson
I know this is not a new post, but I felt that the subject was important enough to repeat. Thank you for joining me on this journey. ❤ Penny
As the end of the year approaches, we all tend to reflect on what has happened over the course of the year. I want to go back a little further than that.
In May of 2017, I came out of a several-years-long depression. I remember it so clearly. It was like a veil had been lifted and I was seeing the world for the first time.
With this in mind, I looked back at my stats for the last couple of year here on WordPress.
You can clearly see that in 2017 there was a good-sized spike in my activity here. That new enthusiasm to write was due to the “awakening” from my depression.
My Most Viewed post of all time has been one I titled Depression-A-Killer. That tells me that there is still a HUGE need for enlightenment, awareness and information. The stigma remains, but I do think…
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I’ve made some modifications to my page on Depression and Mental Health Help. I was just copying and pasting every new post onto that page. This made for a LOT of information.
Now, you will see a picture and a Title. Click on the Title and it will take you directly to that particular post. I think this makes the page much more appealing and easier to navigate.
If you’ve not visited this page on my blog, pop in and have a look around. If you have additional, useful information that you would like to see added, please contact me.
As always, thank you for joining me on this journey. ❤ Penny
REBLOG: Please read this wonderful article by Ashley over at MH&H.
Depression is a mental illness that very often has physical effects. There are several ways that depression can affect movement, and this post will explore low energy, psychomotor retardation, and leaden paralysis. These symptoms can occur in both bipolar and unipolar depression. Low Energy Fatigue is one of the most commonly experienced symptoms of depressed. …
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