The ebb and flow of life. We all deal with it. We all have trials and tribulations. It’s part of our journey here. Some days, I’m engulfed in the undertow, my feet being sucked down into the muck and the mud. On these days, it’s hard to see the sunshine on the surface of the water. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues and think I’m beginning to see the light.
Our winter has been uncommonly wet. Until this last bit of dry weather, the weatherman said that we’ve only had, at most, 5 consecutive days of no rain, for months now. Grey and gloomy skies. Having no sun really can make a difference!
I know when my depression rears it’s ugly head. I’ve battled the beast long enough to know it’s M.O. Although not an easy thing to do, I went to my doctor and had an honest discussion with her about how I’ve been feeling. Reaching out for help is the hardest part of battling depression. But I know I have to. I’m very lucky to have a doctor that I adore. She’s wonderful. The type of person I would like to be friends with. Even with this knowledge, depression is a sneaky bastard. It took me more than a month to set the appointment.
On the day of my appointment, while sitting in the waiting room, I almost bolted for the door. It’s hard to describe. But it’s like I’m have a battle, an argument with this…. being. I KNOW what I SHOULD do, but the beast will argue with me, justify its actions and what usually happens is… nothing. Depression can paralyze you. You continue to put off getting help. You don’t tell anyone how you’re feeling. You isolate yourself to avoid uncomfortable situations. So it’s even easier for the beast to dig its heels in and really mess with your head. You isolate yourself more, becoming more depressed. The more depressed you become, the more you isolate yourself. Even KNOWING all of the ugly beast’s tricks, I still fall for them.
I feel better just having been able to Voice my concerns with someone. I know I’m not out of the deep end yet, but there is hope. I’m swimming toward that sunshine on the surface above me and it’s getting closer.
Copyright (C) 2020 Penny Wilson
*If you or someone you love is struggling with depression or other mental health issues, I invite you to look over my Mental Health Help Page which can be found HERE. On this page, you will find several links on ways to get help.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. ❤ Penny