If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me!
My life has been interesting. For the majority of my life, I’ve gotten by and made do. You know what I mean. I’ve never had any money to speak of. I’ve never expected to have any. I’ve never been destitute, but my life has had its challenges. There were times when I wasn’t sure if I’d make the rent payment and there were times when I couldn’t. There was a time when a bowl of beans or Ramen noodles was all there was to eat and I was grateful to have that. I’ve been homeless and had no idea where my next meal was coming from.
I was taught from a young age that if I worked hard and kept my nose to the grindstone that I would reap the rewards for my efforts. It took me a long time to realize that life is not always fair. No matter how hard you work.
But I’ve never lost that hard-working mentality.
The last several years have seemed surreal. I was terrified of making the move from Oregon to Texas. I was over 50 and I was going to Quit My job and move across the country to an uncertain future and start over. Madness!
It was the best decision of my life.
I now have a job that I love. I’m employed by the World’s Best Boss and I have a few wonderful friends that have my back no matter what the situation. I have family close by that I love and they love me.
Then there are the material blessings!
I make a good wage. I own a nice car and live in a nice house. I have the money to buy almost anything I want. My cupboards are full and so is my closet.
I will soon close on a house that I am buying. Me. Just me, buying this house. I can’t hardly believe it. (by the way, the financing went through!)
I’m incredibly grateful!! I have been truly blessed! If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me!
Copyright (C) 2018 Penny wilson
I’m happy. I don’t really know why, but I feel really good. My life is going well and I’m just… happy!
Maybe it seems strange to you that I would talk about happiness this way, but I am so grateful for the happy days that I have to express it.
I’ve talked before about depression and the effects it’s had on my life at different times. I never know when it will strike again. And the bitch about depression is the fact that you don’t know that it’s happening to you until it’s got you by the throat.
You wake up one day, look around you and wonder how your world has become so dark, bleak and unforgiving. You know you have many blessings and many good things/people in your life. But the depression robs you of the ability to find joy in these things.
The joy you once found in music, or writing, or singing, playing the bongos, or anything else that gave pleasure is gone.
Depression creeps in and wedges into the little cracks and crannies of your life until it’s a full blown Dragon sitting on your chest.
The other thing that depression can do is make you immobile. I don’t mean that you suddenly can’t walk. What I mean is that the day to day things that used to be so easy are now mountainous to you.
The simple act of washing those few dishes in the sink, or taking that load of laundry out of the dryer, are acts that are just too hard to deal with at the moment.
Just existing is difficult.
You stop interacting with other people and you isolate yourself. Dealing with others is again, just too difficult. When you are in a full on assault from depression, you put on a brave face, so people don’t see.
Then you isolate yourself even more.
It becomes a terrible cycle. The more you isolate yourself, the worse your depression becomes. The worse your depression becomes, the more you isolate yourself.
People who have never experienced this don’t understand it.
Then one day, you’re looking out the window and suddenly the colors are more vibrant, like someone lifted the film from the window so that you have a clear view. You WANT to go for a walk, or wash the car, or visit family. Out of the blue you realize that you’re singing along with the radio. One day you’re sitting at the keyboard and realize that you’re WRITING again!
And just like that, you’ve made it through. The depression has passed. Maybe you had a change in medication, maybe you’ve had a change in your life, or maybe you just rode the wave. Whatever it is, it’s gone.
Will it be back? Will the dragons come creeping in the night to hide under my bed, waiting for their chance? I don’t know.
I DO know that today, I am happy and for that I’m grateful!
The month of May was a great month for me. I have so much to be thankful for! I set out to post something every day in May and although I fell short of that, I still feel very good about what I accomplished.
What I wrote during May was certainly not Shakespeare. But I WROTE. That was the goal.
I had a yard sale that was fairly successful and that money will go straight into savings. My sweet brother was kind enough to come help me with the sale. He worked his butt off and I am so grateful that he was there to help me! I love my Big Brother! ♥
Everyone here at the WordPress Community has been so helpful and supportive of me in whatever I am trying to accomplish. Thank you my friends for hanging in there with me! I am blessed and grateful to have all of you!
I’m looking forward to the upcoming months! I have some personal goals to shoot for and I now feel that I finally have some direction and can see the goal at the end of the tunnel! I’ll keep you posted!
This is my version of the A to Z challenge
G – Gratitude
Meaning: being grateful or thankful
I know I’m a bit behind with the letter G. I was trying to think of a good word to use and my thoughts kept coming back to Gratitude.
Ever since I moved to Texas, I kept thinking about what I was leaving behind in Oregon. More than anything, I miss the beauty. The woods, the mountains, lakes, rivers, all of Nature’s glory to behold. I also have a very dear friend there that I miss terribly.
What I saw of Texas was, city, city, city. I saw the traffic, the noise, the throngs of people. And the heat! I thought I was going to melt! I had blinders on, because that’s all I saw.
Now, I’ve loved my job and have been grateful for it and the people I work for/with, from day one. But other than that, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
All I saw of Texas was the negative.
It’s taken me almost 5 years to decide that living in Texas is a good thing. Sure, there are still things I miss about Oregon. But now, I’m able to see the beauty around me. Now I’m enjoying the shorter, milder winters. The growing season here is so much longer!
I also have made life-long friends here; people that I love and cherish for being in my life. These are now people that I can hardly imagine my life without.
Gratitude. Yes. Absolutely.
I have so many blessings here. I am thankful to have the wonderful life that I have now.
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