“Though my soul be set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light, I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”
This is a piece from 2016. It refers to the Unseen demons we all battle. When I came across this picture, which I thought was amazing, I thought she would be a perfect representation of that warrior. Enjoy. ❤
U – Unseen
Head up, shoulders back.
The water is a bitter drink, the air, like daggers tear at her heart.
She pushes back; those unseen dragons weigh heavily.
She has the resolve of the Ancients. Her battle will forge the way.
Her daughter and her daughter after that will also chase the darkness.
* This is a little something that I wrote back when things had been particularly dark for me, but I was able to break free from that darkness at last. I hope you enjoy! ❤
I feel the descent. I’m teetering on the edge of the abyss. Falling. Yet, grasping the rim. Holding on to the light.
I feel as if I’ve been kicked in the chest. The pain is palatable. Heavy, so very heavy. Head in hands. Sleep, blessed sleep. Dream away the darkness that steals the light and penetrates the soul.
The demons. They steal into my room to close the blinds and bolt the doors; hiding me from reality. They whisk me away into the night to feed on my will; my strength. Just out of reach is the sunlight that warms me.
Do I have the strength this time?
Copyright (C) 2018 Penny Wilson
*Don’t worry my friends, I’m fine, just in a foul mood.
**We all have our demons; our struggles.
The Demon screams and rattles the bars that confine him. The blackness and despair he’s cast over me in the past are gone for now. I check and double-check the locks. All is secure.
I’ve been in the grip of his vile, black storm. He’s held my soul clutched tightly, while I clawed and fought my way back to the light. I shudder, thinking about ever having to spend time in that hellish prison again.
Despair makes for an interesting muse. I write a wide variety of things. Poetry, short stories, fiction and non fiction. I find that my sad or darker stuff is usually better than something that is more light-hearted. I also find that I seek out the keyboard more readily if I am in a darker place than if I’m happy, as a way to express myself.
I have a theory about why this is the case.
I’m happy. I don’t really know why, but I feel really good. My life is going well and I’m just… happy!
Maybe it seems strange to you that I would talk about happiness this way, but I am so grateful for the happy days that I have to express it.
I’ve talked before about depression and the effects it’s had on my life at different times. I never know when it will strike again. And the bitch about depression is the fact that you don’t know that it’s happening to you until it’s got you by the throat.
You wake up one day, look around you and wonder how your world has become so dark, bleak and unforgiving. You know you have many blessings and many good things/people in your life. But the depression robs you of the ability to find joy in these things.
The joy you once found in music, or writing, or singing, playing the bongos, or anything else that gave pleasure is gone.
Depression creeps in and wedges into the little cracks and crannies of your life until it’s a full blown Dragon sitting on your chest.
The other thing that depression can do is make you immobile. I don’t mean that you suddenly can’t walk. What I mean is that the day to day things that used to be so easy are now mountainous to you.
The simple act of washing those few dishes in the sink, or taking that load of laundry out of the dryer, are acts that are just too hard to deal with at the moment.
Just existing is difficult.
You stop interacting with other people and you isolate yourself. Dealing with others is again, just too difficult. When you are in a full on assault from depression, you put on a brave face, so people don’t see.
Then you isolate yourself even more.
It becomes a terrible cycle. The more you isolate yourself, the worse your depression becomes. The worse your depression becomes, the more you isolate yourself.
People who have never experienced this don’t understand it.
Then one day, you’re looking out the window and suddenly the colors are more vibrant, like someone lifted the film from the window so that you have a clear view. You WANT to go for a walk, or wash the car, or visit family. Out of the blue you realize that you’re singing along with the radio. One day you’re sitting at the keyboard and realize that you’re WRITING again!
And just like that, you’ve made it through. The depression has passed. Maybe you had a change in medication, maybe you’ve had a change in your life, or maybe you just rode the wave. Whatever it is, it’s gone.
Will it be back? Will the dragons come creeping in the night to hide under my bed, waiting for their chance? I don’t know.
I DO know that today, I am happy and for that I’m grateful!
Light of Day
First of all, I apologize for not posting more. I’ve had my head up my butt and I think I am just starting to see the light of day.
A few of you that have followed me in the past (thank you!) know that I struggle with depression. I’ve just come from a bout of it that was pretty dark. It’s good to see the sun again!
I heard from a few of you during this dark time and I want to thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot to me.
I’ve got several things in mind that I will be writing about and posting in the near future. I hope you will give me a quick look-see as you scroll.
I’ve missed seeing my favorite peeps here and look forward to visiting your sites again. Take care and thanks again!
Let the mermaids in my teacup distract us for a while
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