I’m happy. I don’t really know why, but I feel really good. My life is going well and I’m just… happy!
Maybe it seems strange to you that I would talk about happiness this way, but I am so grateful for the happy days that I have to express it.
I’ve talked before about depression and the effects it’s had on my life at different times. I never know when it will strike again. And the bitch about depression is the fact that you don’t know that it’s happening to you until it’s got you by the throat.
You wake up one day, look around you and wonder how your world has become so dark, bleak and unforgiving. You know you have many blessings and many good things/people in your life. But the depression robs you of the ability to find joy in these things.
The joy you once found in music, or writing, or singing, playing the bongos, or anything else that gave pleasure is gone.
Depression creeps in and wedges into the little cracks and crannies of your life until it’s a full blown Dragon sitting on your chest.
The other thing that depression can do is make you immobile. I don’t mean that you suddenly can’t walk. What I mean is that the day to day things that used to be so easy are now mountainous to you.
The simple act of washing those few dishes in the sink, or taking that load of laundry out of the dryer, are acts that are just too hard to deal with at the moment.
Just existing is difficult.
You stop interacting with other people and you isolate yourself. Dealing with others is again, just too difficult. When you are in a full on assault from depression, you put on a brave face, so people don’t see.
Then you isolate yourself even more.
It becomes a terrible cycle. The more you isolate yourself, the worse your depression becomes. The worse your depression becomes, the more you isolate yourself.
People who have never experienced this don’t understand it.
Then one day, you’re looking out the window and suddenly the colors are more vibrant, like someone lifted the film from the window so that you have a clear view. You WANT to go for a walk, or wash the car, or visit family. Out of the blue you realize that you’re singing along with the radio. One day you’re sitting at the keyboard and realize that you’re WRITING again!
And just like that, you’ve made it through. The depression has passed. Maybe you had a change in medication, maybe you’ve had a change in your life, or maybe you just rode the wave. Whatever it is, it’s gone.
Will it be back? Will the dragons come creeping in the night to hide under my bed, waiting for their chance? I don’t know.
I DO know that today, I am happy and for that I’m grateful!
It makes me happy to see that you have fought and won. Yes don’t think of the future threats, enjoy the present!
Agreed! Thank you!
I’m happy that you’re happy 🙂 I hope it’s a very long time before that dragon comes back, and never would be better.
Thanks Trent!
Wow Penny. I have never heard a bout of depression so accurately summed up before. It’s like you’re living inside my head (going through a patch at present). This is amazingly awesome to read. Thank you.
PS: nice to hear you’re in a happy dance stage!!
🙂
oh Jess, thank you! You have been SO sweet to me! I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a bad time. If you ever need to communicate about it, shoot me an email anytime. And thank you so much for your kind words! I felt that people need to know what it’s like.
Thanks Penny. Being the insufferable INFJ I am, I don’t let a lot of ppl know about the turmoil in my brain. My doc has suggested seeing a psychologist. I said sure, but make sure they know how to dig because I don’t like opening up! Remember that picture of the can being opened?? 😉
I understand. Just know that I’m here! Thanks for all you do Jess! You are such a blessing!
Thanks Penny 🙂
Reblogged this on Jessica Bakkers and commented:
Penny explains depression in the most succinct, accurate way I have ever come across. Kudos Penny.
Bless you Jess, thank you!
Pleasure Penny!
very encouraging read. There are a lot of stressors in our western culture that play on our emotional health. If we are predisposed to depression, then it takes a community (our loved ones, friends, co-workers, faith community) to nudge us to get help (and they provide support). (I have a friend where it is now routine that we hike, or camp, or go to breakfast, when he would otherwise prefer to remain in bed. And medication. )
Agreed! Thanks for looking in on me!
Oh, don’t I know it! I’ve been off work for the past year with anxiety and depression. I have good days and bad. I am slowly getting better.
Thank you for this post, it is such an encouraging read! I’m glad you made it through the other side 🙂
Awww, thank you Jo-Ann! I wrote this because more people need to be aware & understand. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I agree 100%. I am very open about what I’m going through, I don’t want to be all hush, hush lol. Too many people need support and the more open we are about it the easier it will be to come forward and get help.
Sometimes you have to hold onto those moments, and it can be hard work being happy. I’m glad things are going so well. And while I didn’t plan this…or I did I…no, no I didn’t.
But I digress, I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award.
https://writet.wordpress.com/2017/06/14/versatile-blogger-award/
No pressure of course, but if you do I look forward to reading it.
Thank you Adam! I will participate!
I look forward to reading. 🙂
Just posted it! Thanks again!!
really hits home with me
Thank you Paul! I just found your comment among my Spam! So I rescued it! Thank you always for looking in on me and your input!
always my pleasure, penny
Depression can come any moment and I can relate to what u shared.. but the feeling of happiness is even more great and a blessing.. I pray that you stay blessed and happy always
Ahaha! Just noticed the comment above this one! I have more homework for you! If you choose to participate, that is!
I nominated you for The Entertainer Blogger Award
Ah Jo-Ann! Bless your heart! I accept! Thank you!
My pleasure! You deserve it!
I just posted it. Thanks again Jo-Ann!
https://pennylanethoughts.wordpress.com/2017/06/18/the-entertainer-blogger-award/
It’s great to read about someone who’s happy for a change. Depression and chronic pain change people, like me, and the negativity seems to outweigh positive thinking for a chance to even feel happy. Great post. 🙂
Thank you. Trying to build awareness. I hope better days for you!
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